Humor from abroad…

13 10 2008

You know, most Americans only think of ourselves in very specific ways.  Truth is, we’ve got it pretty damn good here.  So, for the next few days, I’m going to  be posting some cartoons as some of the people in other parts of the world view what’s happening with our lives.  To start, something rather patriotic, coming from Australia.  Very meaningful to me that someone halfway around the world sees this like I do:





Let it snow… Oh, right – I’m in Florida

18 12 2007

‘Tis the season of happiness, joyfulness, presents, and…… flip flops! Yep – you read it right. Those tacky, inappropriate footwear that people have made fashionable simply because they’re too lazy to put on real shoes. Once proper only for the beaches, college dorm room showers, and poolside, they now have made their way into our regular wardrobe (okay – not MY wardrobe) to wear to work, to play and to “hang out” in….

Aside from all that, we finally got our ordered cold snap. Finally! The sad thing – people are STILL wearing flip flops in 50 degree weather! Let me just state that I think that is truly pathetic. Okay, Florida has this “Fountain of Youth” image from decades ago, so for some reason, people think that flip flops are appropriate anywhere. Not so people! And you people know to whom I am referring to… You wear your flip flops to the parks, the grocery stores, the malls, and even in fancy restaurants that require a tie. Then you’re surprised when your boss fires you for wearing flip flops to work, even though you’re going to change your shoes before you clock in, and even though your employee manual tells you that flip flops are not appropriate footwear, even for walking through the store! Ummm, Hello?!?! There is a reason for that, and it’s mainly because of Workman’s Compensation rates and laws. And to all of those people that hurt their feet in a retail store (i.e., a box falls on their foot), you deserve what you have coming to you, so don’t bother attempting to sue the store for your inappropriate footwear.

Recently I was at my local mall where there was a major anchor department store. I watched as an employee walked in from lunch,wearing her name tag and strappy flip flops. Please keep in mind that this store has a major policy against flip flops, even employees wearing them inside the store, even if they may be shopping on their own time, the employees have agreed to this policy. I watched as that woman didn’t even make it to the timeclock to punch back in before her boss walked up to her, told her she had violated this policy for the last time after repeated warnings, and was fired on the spot. Naturally, the woman walked out in tears. She had spent 2 years working with this store, the same department, she knew the policy, and yet she thought that it was okay to wear horrendously unsafe shoes in a working environment. Hooray for the boss! If I was the boss, I would have done the same thing.

People, get rid of the flip flops – no one wants to see them or your ugly feet. Me personally – I don’t want to see some fat woman’s fat, half- manicured feet either. Why take care of your feet if you won’t take care of the rest of your body? Get some sneakers with some good arch supports and take your feet walking around that mall. Your body (and feet) will thank you!





Something Humerous…

20 10 2007

okay, here’s a quickie post with some interesting insight.  I’m only posting it because we’re so close to the Presidential Primaries (or here in Florida, lack thereof…)

QUESTION:  WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

 

DR. PHIL:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the road before it goes after the problem on the “OTHER SIDE” of the road.  What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his “CURRENT” problems before adding “NEW” problems.

 

OPRAH:  Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.  So instead of having the chicken and learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH:  We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road.  We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.  The chicken is either against us, or for us.  There is no middle ground here.

 

COLIN POWELL:  Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

 

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

 

JOHN KERRY:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions.  I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

 

NANCY GRACE:  That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY!  You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

 

PAT BUCHANAN:  To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

 

MARTHA STEWART:  No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.  I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave me any insider information.

 

DR SEUSS:  Did the chicken cross the road?  Did he cross it with a toad?  Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

 

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:  To die in the rain.  Alone.

 

JERRY FALWELL:  Because the chicken was gay!  Can’t you people see the plain side.”
That’s why they call it the “other side.”  Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.  And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.  I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.”  That chicken should not be crossing the road.  It’s as plain and as simple as that.

 

GRANDPA:  In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

 

BARBARA WALTERS:  Isn’t that interesting?  In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

 

JOHN LENNON:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

 

ARISTOTLE:  It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

 

BILL GATES:  I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book Internet Explorer is a integral part of eChicken.  This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^( C .. … reboot.)  [Funny, Steve Jobs doesn’t have that problem…. GO MACS!!!]

 

ALBERT EINSTEIN:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

 

BILL CLINTON:  I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.  What is your definition of chicken?

 

AL GORE:  I invented the chicken!

 

COLONEL SANDERS:  Did I miss one?

 

DICK CHENEY:  Where’s my gun?

 

AL SHARPTON:  Why are all the chickens white?  We need some black chickens.