Obama’s First 100 Days

30 04 2009

You know, someone once said that when a black man would be elected as President “When Pigs Fly”…. Well, what do you know, Swine Flu….

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YEEEESSSS! Band Geeks 2 – Thugs 0

30 04 2009

DON’T MESS WITH BAND GEEKS! Okay, really, really cool story coming out of California about a marching band chick beating up two male assailants. Here’s the full story, directly reprinted from Yahoo:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090430/ap_on_fe_st/odd_marching_band_beating

QUARTZ HILL, Calif. – Don’t mess with a marching band girl, especially one armed with a baton. A 17-year-old high school marching band student beat up two assailants who tried to mug her as she walked to school in this high desert community about 40 miles north of Los Angeles, sheriff’s officials said Tuesday.

The girl punched one of the men in the nose, kicked the other in the groin and beat both with her large baton before she ran away on Friday morning, officials said.

“The moral to this story is don’t mess with the marching band girls, or you just might get what you deserve,” said Los Angeles County sheriff’s Deputy Michael Rust.

He said two men approached the girl from behind, grabbed her coat and demanded money. Deputies searched near Quartz Hill High School for the muggers, looking for a man who was holding his bloodied nose and the other limping.

No arrests have been made, but Rust said it appears the girl made her point to her assailants.

“Final score: Marching band 2, thugs 0,” Rust quipped.





Drunken Confession

27 04 2009

A drunken man staggered in to a Catholic church and sat down in a
confession box, saying nothing.

The bewildered priest coughed to attract his attention, but still the
man said nothing.

The priest then knocked on the wall three times in a final attempt to
get the man to speak.

Finally, the drunk replied, “No use knockin’, mate, there’s no paper in
this one either.”





It’s Hell to Get Old!

13 04 2009

OLD people have problems that you haven’t even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as

Part of his physical exam..

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring
Back a semen sample tomorrow.’

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and
Gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s
Like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then
With her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the

Teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

‘We even called up Arlene, the lady next door and she tried too, first
With both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between

Her knees, but still nothing.’

The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?’

The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open!”





Tax Alert!

7 04 2009

Snopes does not list this as “false,” but you still might want to check this out with the IRS and/or your Senators and Representatives.

Income taxes are normally due on April 15th unless that date falls on a Saturday or Sunday, in which case they are due on Monday the 16th or 17th. However, I have been told that rule has recently been changed for this and for at least the next 4 years, tax payments will not be due until you are nominated for a cabinet position.

Please check with your tax adviser to confirm.





The Kindergartner

2 04 2009

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn’t want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it.

She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn’t notice her. The neighbor said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed. The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew.

She did this for the whole week. As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy’ s little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.

Finally the friend said to Timmy, “Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?”

Timmy nonchalantly replied, “Yeah, I know who she is.”

The little girl said, “Well, who is she?”

“That’s just Shirley Goodnest,” Timmy replied, “and her daughter Marcy.” “Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?” “Well,” Timmy explained, “every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, ‘cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, ‘Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life’, so I guess I’ll just have to get used to it!”