How to Explain the Stimulus Payment

20 02 2009

HOW TO EXPLAIN THE STIMULUS BILL

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, “I don’t understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?”

The professor replied, “I don’t have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I’ll be glad to explain it to you.” The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor’s house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.

They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, “First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can.”

The student did as he was instructed.

The professor then continued, “Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it.” The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.

The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.

The confused student asked, “Excuse me, but why are we doing this?”

The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.

The student didn’t think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad.

The student finally replied, “All we’re doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you’ll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!”

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, “Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill.”





The Blonde and Ice Fishing

18 02 2009

A blond woman wanted to go ice fishing. She had seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

‘THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.’

Startled, the blond woman moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again,
from the heavens the voice bellowed,

‘THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.’

The blond, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more,

‘THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.’

She stopped, looked skyward! and said, ‘IS THAT YOU LORD?’

The voice replied, ‘NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK’





The Retired Wal-Mart Greeter

2 02 2009

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Walmart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was five,10, sometimes 15 minutes late, but he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “older person-friendly” policies.

One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him into the office for a talk. “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It’s odd though, your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the armed forces. What did they say when you came in late there?”

“They said, ‘Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, sir?'”





The Bobbitt Family Update

2 02 2009

In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt’s sister Louellaw was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago.

Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with…..

A Misdeweiner! 🙂