A Newfound Atom….

11 07 2008

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known
to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together
by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can
be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction,
normally taking less than a second, to take from four days to four
years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not
decay, but undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time,
since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes, not to mention multiple oxymorons.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. That hypothetical quantity might normally be called
‘critical mass’ but, in this unique case it is known as ‘critical
morass.’

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
(Am), another just-discovered element that radiates just as much
energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons, but twice as
many morons.

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