A little busy lately…

24 07 2008

Sorry for the lack of posts.  It’s not because I’ve forgotten everyone, I’ve just been dealing with a family member in the hospital.  But without dwelling on bad things, here’s a funny photo I just had to post.





Maxine’s Wisdom

12 07 2008

Some of my friends send me pictures of Maxine, that wonderful older, more experienced woman of the comics. This one I had to share….





A Newfound Atom….

11 07 2008

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known
to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together
by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can
be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction,
normally taking less than a second, to take from four days to four
years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not
decay, but undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time,
since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes, not to mention multiple oxymorons.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. That hypothetical quantity might normally be called
‘critical mass’ but, in this unique case it is known as ‘critical
morass.’

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
(Am), another just-discovered element that radiates just as much
energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons, but twice as
many morons.





Funny thoughts…

7 07 2008

If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright,
he’s the famously erudite scientist and comic who once said: “I woke up
one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact
duplicates.”

His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our
amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:

1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 – Borrow money from pessimists — They don’t expect it back.

3 – Half the people you know are below average.

4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts
feel so good.

7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 – If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the
rain.

9 – All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.

10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend…..but she left me before we met.

12 – OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

13 – How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

14 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

17 – Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 – Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19 – I intend to live forever……so far, so good.

20 – If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 – Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

22 – What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 – My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

24 – Why do psychic s have to ask you for your name?

25 – If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 – A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 – Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

28 – The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 – The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 – The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

32 – The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 – Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.

And my all time favorite-

34 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?





HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

4 07 2008

A wonderful Happy Birthday America! No funny jokes, No quirky lines, just a simple Happy Birthday!

We remember as a country the trials and tribulations we have gone through, the men and women we have gained and lost, and all the hope you inspire across the world.

I’m proud to be an American!